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RENTING THE JORDAN VALLEY: DAVID ISAAC

by Ruth King

On Nov. 1, The Jerusalem Post reported that the U.S., in an effort to move negotiations between Israel and the Palestinian Authority forward, has proposed that Israel lease parts of the Jordan Valley—which Israel sees as vital to its defense—from the PA for a period of seven years. Prime Minister Netanyahu reportedly accepted the idea, but wanted a longer lease. A lease requires a contract, so we present what a lease agreement might look like.

Jordan Valley Lease Agreement

THIS LEASE AGREEMENT is made and entered into this 2nd day of January 2011 , by and between The PLO hereinafter referred to as “Landlord” and The State of Israel hereinafter referred to as “Tenant”.

1. The Tenant acknowledges that the area known as The Jordan Valley is from time immemorial the home of the Palestinian people, granted for all eternity by Allah to his ummah.

2. The Tenant acknowledges that the property was stolen from Landlord by Tenant. Tenant will at his sole expense insert a full page ad written by Landlord in Haaretz, Der Spiegel and The New York Times describing in detail this infamy.

3. Landlord leases to Tenant the Jordan Valley for a period of no less than 7 years, at which time this Lease Agreement shall automatically expire.

4. Tenant shall pay as rent the sum of $100 million per month, payable by the fourth day of each month by direct deposit to the Swiss bank account of Mahmoud Abbas. Tenant’s initials required__ Landlord’s initials required___

5. Tenant will take responsibility for Dead Sea and begin filling it in.

6. Tenant agrees to pay a Security Deposit of $500 million, which is refundable, except for the first $500 million. Tenant’s initials required__Landlord’s initials required__

7. Landlord solemnly undertakes that it enters into this agreement of its own free will and there will be no incitement to violence on the basis of this agreement.

8. It is understood by the parties that incitement to violence does not include accurate portrayals of this agreement as a Zionist-American imperialist plot requiring Jihad on the part of every Muslim.

9. Landlord permits Tenant to reside on property contingent on the Tenant faithfully abiding by the following rules. Failure to follow any of them results in immediate termination of the lease.

10. Landlord is granted the right hereunder to take immediate possession of any Tenant property left unguarded.

11. Tenant property may not be guarded.

12. Tenant may not possess weapons on leased territory.

13. Tenant is accorded certain rights under the agreement (including the right to take shelter in bunkers.)

14. All Israeli emergency vehicles are strictly forbidden from entering leased territory.

15.Tenant will allow target practice for Palestinian Liberation Army on leased territory. Tenant will provide the targets.

16. Landlord reserves right to celebrate Land Day on March 30 of each year. Celebrations will include dancing around Tenant installations and settlements, and accepting 80% of produce of said settlements as jizya owed by dhimmi population to Muslim overlords.

17. Tenant agrees that Landlord is not liable for natural disasters, such as mortar attacks, which come from the sky and hence from Allah. Tenant’s initials required__Landlord initials required__

18. Tenant will agree to clean up remains of mortar rounds in environmentally friendly manner in keeping with new Jordan Valley Green Initiative.

19. Tenant and Landlord agree that this contract will serve as a model for all future lease agreements concerning land stolen by the Tenant from the Landlord including Haifa, Tel Aviv, and Jerusalem. See Addendum A.

20. Tenant acknowledges receiving the EPA Booklet “Protect Your Family From Lead Bullets In Your Home.”

21. Should a dispute arise between the two parties concerning interpretation of the terms of this contract, they will submit to binding arbitration by a third party. Tenant and Landlord agree that this third party shall consist of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and U.S. President Barack Obama. The Landlord has equal confidence in both.

YOU SHOULD READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS LEASE, IT IS A LEGAL AND BINDING CONTRACT. Signing below means you have read the Lease, are in full agreement with its terms and have received a copy of the contract.

ACCEPTED THIS 2nd DAY OF January 2011____, at The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Northwest, Washington, D.C. 20500

Bibi Netanyahu, for Tenant___________________

Mahmoud Abbas, for Landlord ______________

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